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Question: Rate this one too please!?
I need to remind you that english is not my native language so please excuse the mistakes that may exist here!
it would be nice to know your opinion!

Moonlght Mermaid

Shadows created by the moon
in the night when nature sleeps
some flowers under the stars bloom
and a song's coming out of a mermaid's lips

A fisherman under the stars lies
but sleep doesn't come, he can't close his eyes
So he counts the stars falling in his boat
He's not very far from the shore

Out of the calm and peacefull water
comes out she, the moonlight's daughter
with her blue eyes and silver hair
she's bathing pouring water from a shell

And when he sees her, he takes off his clothes
jumps in the water, swims to her close
and grabs the shell from her hands
she gets angry, to shout she starts

"I'll give it back if you pay with a kiss"
but he hadn't imagine the sweet taste of her lips
She takes the shell and turns to leave
but "one more kiss you'll have to give"

And when she does he holds her tight
and he pulls her closer, passion can't hide
He feels his chest touching hers
over the moonlight dress

And she is charmed by his strength
the heat of his breath on her neck
She feels something unsaid before
He thinks he found what he's been searching for

But when the first light of the sun appears
the moonlight's daughter disappears
but he still has the shell in his hand
a promise that at night she"ll come back!.!.!.

would you like to correct sth!?Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Shadows created by the moon
in the night when nature sleeps
while flowers bloom under the stars
and a song flows from a mermaid's lips

So he counts the stars falling in his boat (really nice wording here)
as he drifts closer to the shore


Out of the calm and peace full water
appears the moonlight's daughter
with eyes of blue eyes and silver hair
she's bathing pouring water from a shell (I don't like this line) Perhaps
she's pouring water from a shell

NOW TAKE A LOOK AT THE REST OF YOUR POEM AND SEE WHAT ELSE YOU CAN REVISE!.

You have an excellent draft!. Remember, a piece of writing is never really done!. Keep working on it!.
Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like it just the way you wrote it

I hope someone with better Poetic Education Ability will respond to your question as to how to correct!. I write only for the pleasure which I feel when doing so, with a strong command of the English Language, and ability to slauhgter!.

However, I never studied poetry at great length!.
Thanks for sharingWww@QuestionHome@Com

Yay it rhymes! Thats good!. It does make sense!.
I feel poems going through my body! lol

No change!.Www@QuestionHome@Com