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Question: New poem, please rate!?
A poem i wrote!. Please give any comments or criticism you have and rate it!.

The truth of death
Life is worthless
Old ones end, and new begin
Every single day, within
The pain of lies
Love in disguise

Without pain
There is no gain
But gain for who!?
Just pain for me but pleasure for you
I sit and cut
Bleed and burn
But when will it be your turn!?

I give her blood and tears
Now I face my fears
Does she love me!?
Or just my misery!?
Is she worth it!?
Yes, cause I’m not worth ****

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I really like it ^_^ A bit sad for me, but still good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Show me, don't tell me!. Put some images and metaphors in there, otherwise its just ranting!. And kick end rhyme out the door! You are not bound by the same rules as Shakespeare and Longfellow and others, and none of us are geniuses like them, so don't hold yourself to their rules!

I may not sound like I am encouraging you, but really I am!. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I'm tired and I don't think you really worked on this!. I think you dashed it out and didn't even revise or think about it too hard!. Poetry is hard, you have to work on it!.

Good luck and keep writing!. Www@QuestionHome@Com