Position:Home>Poetry> Does Smoke Get In Your Eyes? Honest critique requested.?
Does Smoke Get In Your Eyes!? Honest critique requested!.!?
Two souls intertwined, inflamed
Their hearts untamed
One breath away from pain!.!.
Cavorting aimlessly along
Appear like smoke from
That decadent bong
Wafting aimlessly into the air
On smoke rings and fumes
Of neurotically sensual flumes
As having come from the
Smoke in that pipe
Soon fade out of sight
Lost in the night!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
Two souls hang on
Seek solace in words
In minds !.!. free as birds
a work in progress
it has no name
nor leans to shame
but driven by lust
continue to growWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
reminds me of a modern hepped up version
of Bob Seger's "Night Moves"
"I used her, she used me
neither one cared
we were getting our share !.!.!.!.!.
Working on mystery's without any clues"Www@QuestionHome@Com
I love how you turned something simple into something really complex and interesting!. It conveys strong emotion, It's really good!. :)
Could you tell me what you think of mine!? Www@QuestionHome@Com
Lovely, however, I have a hunch that you could 'v taken the description to higher levels!. Your last stanza is my favorite, for its message is clear, and well done!.
really nice, really good use of descriptive wording, thats a talent!.!.!. keep up the good workWww@QuestionHome@Com
Ooh, me like!. Nice rhythm and easy to follow!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
i like that! it was GREAT! did you write it yourself!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
I lost my answer in an email!.!.!. maybe someone will find it and give it to you!.(smile)Www@QuestionHome@Com