Position:Home>Poetry> Here is a poem I wrote...please tell me what you think! ?
Question: Here is a poem I wrote!.!.!.please tell me what you think! !?
Motion and wind fail to exist
and I am left standing on my own!.
The air is still, the ground isn't there!.
This world has yet to be created,
there isn't a mark, or a voice to speak of!.
It is all my own!.!.!.
My world or so you might call it,
is everything I could ever want and yet
nothing at all!.
I'm stuck here because reality is too cruel!.
Everything is as I want it and only because
I say so!.!.!.
Sometimes there is blood dripping,
sometimes there is nothing,
sometime there are voices!.
It is prison!.!.!.
My insanity!.
Some days I want to leave, but most
I want to stay!.
He is always here, but there he is always gone!.
Nothing is more perfect than the clay by which I mold,
nothing is more normal than the sights I behold!.
If I want to watch a murder, I can let play!.
If I want to save the world I can let stay!.
Everything can repeat, most can even stop when I want!.
But his face never goes, never stops dancing through my mind!.
His voice never stops playing in the background,
It is killing me slowly but for that I am grateful!.
My delusion I will never leave you!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Speechless is what I've become,
Your fluid words leave me in awe,
I know the feeling,
I feel the power,
Such a meaningful poem,
For all to behold!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
its ok, poems don't have to rhyme, but if they don't there still needs to be good flow!. this poem lacks that!. try re writing it and use some better more descriptive words to make it flow better!. also work on the measure!. (try to keep the length of each line consistent)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Cool, seems like you're a passionate person, there's some desperation and anger, as if in the writing you were ruled by this intense feeling!. Irascible!.
I particularly liked the first line: Motion and wind fail to exist
Yes, it may need a little work with shape and rythm in some parts but the general feeling that it gives to me is that you wrote it as it was dictated from your mind - with just a little edition!. But that's the point of being intense and feeling something with visceral anger!.
I wouldn't want to be in that guy's shoes, sure he'll have his *** kicked one of this days :DWww@QuestionHome@Com