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Position:Home>Poetry> A poem for the kind individuals to read and critique. thanks :)?Question: A poem for the kind individuals to read and critique!. thanks :)!? she sits alone in the corner
of a darkened gloomy room shaking silently with frost and tears of inward doom she sits on the edge of the world gazing at innocent whites her eyes will never drift from the internal struggles and fights she is alone her life is prone to be drought like she is unaided to be raided by dreadful thoughts she whispers with breath like shards of snow hollow thoughts of death and which path to go my friend come back to me!.!.!. Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I have some thoughts!. First the third and fourth stanzas (the three line ones) are the strongest in my opinion!. They read well and are emotive!. also I like the a,a,b rhyme format!. The first stanza, while I like the rhyming, reads a little like prose!. Try varying the structure of your lines a bit to get a more uniquely poetic sound!. I agree that whites was a strange word choice!. It's very unclear!. I also agree that lights would seem to work better, and happen to fit in your rhyme scheme!. I feel as though the last line of the poem doesn't relate enough to the rest of the piece!. Try to incorporate more or just delete it - the poem would be fine without it!. Some general thoughts - don't be afraid to take risks in your poetry!. that's how to get really beautiful lines!. Keep writing!Www@QuestionHome@Com Why doe's it seem that allot of poetry is dark!. Mind you I really like this!. I've written poetry myself and most of mine is usually dark!. Just curious The only line I might change would be gazing at innocent whites!. To gazing at innocent lights!. I'm not sure why you used whites {to me it didn't quite make sense} lights could be the light of our souls!. Otherwise like I said I really like it!. Keep writingWww@QuestionHome@Com It's very creative, but I feel like it could use a bit more rhythm in the three-line stanzas!. That's just my opinion, though!. Poems don't even have to rhyme!. Other than that though, I love it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com http://canget!.musicmix!.at you can get much information in this website, If you will check anyone blue link in website!. Www@QuestionHome@Com It's really good, maybe you could even ad a bit more to it!. It comes across with a strong emotion and image!. :) Www@QuestionHome@Com ha love thisWww@QuestionHome@Com |