Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> PLZ, i need ur thoughts?

Question: PLZ, i need ur thoughts!?
ok i want 2 kno what u think of my poem, this is the 2nd poem I've ever done!.!.!.I don care if u dont like it!. Just tell me what should b changed!.!.!.!.here it is!! :D :P jk

It's Monday morning,
And birds are soaring!.
My mom's shaking,
As I'm waking!.
I put on a smile,
When I walk down the long mile!.
Then the bell rings,
And then we all sing!.
We eat lunch,
And all we all we do is munch,munch,munch!.
Then schools out,
And all the kids shout!!!
We walk back that long mile
And now it's a BIG smile!.
'Cauuse deserts all worth the while!.

School on Monday-
Destiny Luvs DragonsWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I like how you ended this poem!. It is a creative conclusion you have, but your lead to it, is rather messy!.
Think about cleaning a few things up, such as your over use of the word munch!.
Looks like a child wrote it, and yet it was enjoyable because it brought back a few good memories!.

It start sounding a bit off when you got to: And then we all sing!. Try rewording it and the part right before and after that!.

Rainbow is also right, you need to put some soul into it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

its good too, but the part of and all we all we do is munch, munch, munch!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.i think!.!.!.!.!.!.that needs to be changed to something elseWww@QuestionHome@Com

It's an OK Poem, like nothing to Moving and i dont really feel any SOUL In it!.!.!.
but its good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

umm honestly, not very good!. are you in 2nd grade!? if you are, that's goodWww@QuestionHome@Com