Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> Writers Block...long time since my last poem...critique please!!?

Question: Writers Block!.!.!.long time since my last poem!.!.!.critique please!!!?
I have a bad case of writers block!

I need to show you what it means to be who you are,
I've been living a lie and I want to make things right!.
You see my heart separates every time I let you in,
So now look at me and tell me where should I begin!.

I am a maniac who is in his right mind,
So tell me how can I leave myself behind!.
I smoke, I drink, I try and be someone I'm not,
Cause in the end, it's the only god damn thing I've got!.

I have my girlfriend she is losing time,
She's dwelling on me when I was in my prime,
Well today I sit before the jury of a court of loneliness,
That's right I am on trial for taking to the rest!.

Hey love affair wont you sing me to sleep,
I want to see what I'm like in my dreams!.
Will any mirror reflect my own face,
I figure it out, am I really such a disgrace!.

I hurt, I bleed, and I have seen everything,
So what makes the difference between you and me!.
I guess I can admit that in this world I mean nothing,
I can't wait till you relies this to!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Apart from the ending, I like this!.
The second to last paragraph is very good!. It has a good idea and you deliver it well, but I'd think about changing the last one!. I think the last line isn't very original, as many poems end like this, so I'd try for something bolder!.

Whenever I get writer's block, I take some paper and a pen with me everywhere I go and any chance I get, I write down anything, as random as they are sometimes, that comes to mind!. It's a good way to capture emotions and I find that it takes the stress out of writer's block!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

so far so good, this is just my personal preference but try to use more multi-sylable rhymes!.
ie: rest away, stressed to say ; emulate, tell them wait, etc!.

also talk about your future, like what you expect to achieve or what you will do with your life!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Your little flying machine flutters, floats!.!.!.and then flops!. I wanted a more powerful ending!. You are a good writer!. Your rhythm here is very tight!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It doesnt sound like you have writers block to me this is great!. Im really excited to be reading great poetry maybe I will try writing some too!Www@QuestionHome@Com

well you dont indcate on a personal note that this is more creative rather than serious personal emotional distress so it scares me a little!. like I posted some lyrics that yahoo took off like I knew they would because I am on the hit list!. but it was kind of gloomy but it was in retrospect of something and I told people that so they wouldnt call 911 for me to take in to st lukes behavioral health care system!.

if u take the "i drink i somke" out of there its really pretty dang GOODWww@QuestionHome@Com