Position:Home>Poetry> My new poem still needs work all advice welcome?
My new poem still needs work all advice welcome!?
Feels like I am running out of time
I have waited my life for you
Seems like I could never get it right
so why are my mistakes the truth
Need 2 hold you close tonight
want to wrap around your tranquillity
Am painting a picture of myself
Your perfection is my masterpiece
Whispers fall like cherry blossom
sweet emotion a slice of my heart
once found your never forgotten
passions reaction forms in lust
Awake within my moonlight dream
the breeze picks where petals go
craved within entwined desire
now uncertainty is all I knowWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Thats Gbeatiful don't change a single word of that i might acually be cryinWww@QuestionHome@Com
Your style of writing is very similar to mine and I really enjoyed your poem although the only fault I can detect in it is the sound of the rhythm!.!.It doesn't run as smooth as it could!. Reread your poem over and over and think of words that could really have a huge impact on it and change it for the better!.
When I don't feel my poem is as smooth as I would like it to be, I sing it, try singing your poem and when it sounds like it could be an actual song, it's right!. It doesn't have to be perfect, but you'll know!.
I hope I helped!.!.!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
in my opinion it doesnt need to change
but 2 needs to be 'to'