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Question: Am I a good poet!? Tell me what you think is good or bad!?
??!.?*′`*!? Distant Dreams !?*′`*?!.??
I need some love to hold me down,
to stop me going crazy!.
I need someone to call my own,
so baby don`t forsake me!.
The world can seem an empty place,
yet who I am wont change me!.
For your caress, a romantic test
a battleground of maybe!.
Now I look through distant eyes
I want to see what you see!.
Will we ever be as one
and whisper love discretely
Passion crept into your dreams
as your heart beats gently!.
The chains of hurt are broken now,
for now we have been set freeWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
One year ago UK Ultra posted this poem!.
Distant Dreams
I need some love to hold me down,
to stop me going crazy!.
I need someone to call my own,
so baby don`t forsake me!.
The world can seem an empty place,
yet who I am wont change me!.
For your caress, a romantic test
a battleground of maybe!.
Now I look through distant eyes
I want to see what you see!.
Will we ever be as one
and whisper love discretely
Passion crept into your dreams
as your heart beats gently!.
The chains of hurt are broken now,
for now we have been set free!.
1 year ago
'Twas you!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Very good! I have one question though, I wish you 'd answer : I could neither comprehend nor understand the second LINE of the second stanza!. Please tell me, is it grammatically correct !? Or it is you playing with words !?
YET WHO I AM WONT CHANGE ME!.
Or is it just my poor English!?
I 'd say its the latter, since none of he above has mentioned it!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
It actually is pretty good! But i would use alternative words, for words like hurt, and such!.
But other than that!.!.bravo!Www@QuestionHome@Com
VERY VERY BEAUTIFUL MY FRIEND, I LOVE IT, I GIVE IT A 9!.7 OUT OF 10 Www@QuestionHome@Com
there is the view that poetry should improve your life,i think people confuse it with the salvation armyWww@QuestionHome@Com
yes you are a good poet and you dont even know it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I was just going to say that it sucked but it was actually VERY good!. 9!.5 out of 10!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Honestly!? It's predictable in most places, but you have some really good lines!. I love "a battleground of maybe!." I think you meant to say "discreetly," though in a slightly more sophisticated poem I might suspect a play on words!. If I give you the benefit of the doubt, it raises the level of this poem significantly!.
My first suggestion for most early drafts is to get rid of the first few lines and see if it's just fluff!. If you start it at stanza two and maybe move the first two lines elsewhere in the poem, that's a good starting point!. Think about losing the third and fourth lines!.
To answer: yes, you have potential!.Www@QuestionHome@Com