Lost lust....my latest poem?

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Question:

When the avalanche isolates you and the impression of being lost in your womb
The solitude slips in, with lacerations in your mind
Lust for rush grips tight to disconnect you from your being
One night of passion only to get deeper and abandon emotion
Consuming the unforgiving, destruction of my containment

Eternity escapes your exhausted affection and binds you still
The unsettling question of every aspect, I hesitate to speak
With the constant perception that in an instant it all could be displaced
Sleeping lightly you embrace my skin and wake me from my dream
In the end just hold me sturdy until I feel numb with contentmentWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Interesting perspective!. Some of your lines don't finish or enjamb into the next, like lines one and two!.!.!.line one ends "and the impression of being lost in your womb"!.!.!.you could correct this by saying, "and you get the impression!.!.!." Some of the lines seem a little contrived, as if you put too many adjectives in for effect rather than substance!. Still, there is a raw quality to the poem that I like!.

Have someone read this to you out loud, take notes, don't correct the reader, just edit it once they're done!.!.!.and keep writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com