Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> Does this poem do the trick? ?


Question: Does this poem do the trick!? !?
I wrote this poem for a guy I like!. His name is Daniel!. I just wrote this the other day!. It's called Try!. Tell me what you think!

I like you!.
I’m not going to lie!.
I’ll ask you flat out!.
Do you want to try!?

To you, I’m like a ghost!.
Noticed by the teachers at most!.
To me, I’m like a vampire!.
Not craving your blood, but your affection!.

I wanna try!.
Do you want to try too!?
If yes, cool!.
I’ll see you ‘round school!.

If you don’t want to try,
At least I was honest
And I might cry
But I won’t die!.
It all depends!.
Do you want to try!?

I’ve known you for a long time!.
Liked you for a while!.
Now I have the courage!.
I’ve gone an extra mile!.

E-mail or call
And try not to stall!.
But take your time!.
And remember this: I want you to be mine!.



I'll admit, it's not the best thing in the world, but seeing as I'm trying to start a career in writing, I need some help!. So please give good criticism!. Nothing that'll crush my 8th grade self!. Thanks! :)Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I think it's great and it comes from your heart and soul and if i was Danial i would be so happy and excited to get a great poem from a great girl!.!.!.keep writing as your good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Well its good but you should repeat do you want to try at the end of each stanza!. And I would rethink the vampire thing if your gonna give it to someone you like!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I say any non-gory vampire reference takes skill
A+++++
Better than me in 8th grade :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

w!.e dont listen to dat guy
if he didnt like it then he should have not
said nothing at all!.!.
i think your poem is pretty gud!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

You sound desperate and if you e-mailed me with this nonsense i would delete it as soon as i could!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

no i don,t known!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. !.!.!.!.!.!.that's a Liamm message!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Quite honestly, I don't think it is good to bias our comments with telling us your grade!. When I post poems for criticism and comments I don't say my age or gender (especially since I am interested in a writing career as well) because I want the real answer ; not the watered down version for my age!. I also don't post a picture because even I tend to be biased when I see display pictures sometimes!. People probably wouldn't take me as seriously if I posted my age or grade on a question!. Www@QuestionHome@Com