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Question: Commentary and criticism on 2 poems!?
First Poem

When I look up into the night sky
I see the stars holding on to history
The bright specs are being tainted by
The black sap of nighttime obscurity
The night sky soaks the past with hope
Trying to reduce the pain and distress
It covers the memories lessening the mope
Only to create an even worse mess
The stars know not to ever forget
Yet to remember and value the past
For it is a dozen fish and life is a net
It will anchor us so we won’t go too fast

Second Poem

Hold me tight do not let go
It’s not my fault that I’m not right
Don’t leave me in the cold snow
I will sit in my mind frozen with fright
My memory is aching like a sore toe
I try to think and I try to fight
It’s not good when you are to go
I need your warmth and welcoming light
My memory is nothing now it won’t show
It is almost gone and almost out of sight
Sanity, please have mercy for all my woe





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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I don't know why I don't like: It covers the memories lessening the mope/
Only to create an even worse mess!." It really doesn't explain how it makes a bigger mess!. That one really doesn't seem to fit in the poem!.

As for the second one, put a comma between "tight" and "do" because it is grammatically incorrect!. The same between "mind" and "frozen!." I'm not sure about the part about your memory because it fits oddly!. It could probably use a comma before "now it won't show!."Www@QuestionHome@Com