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Question: For other poets, a room with a view, comments and critique!?
ABANDON

An empty room and barren table
There is mold on the dishes in the sink
The water doesn't flow through the scale clogged pipe
Because like the utilities it has been cut off
The radiator clanks, but does not give heat
The atmosphere of yellowed smoke
Clinging to walls and windows is oppressive!.

The room is not really empty,
Although no one has swept
The cobwebs from the ceiling
Nor done anything about the greasy roaches
That crawl on everything!.
There are two souls there,
But they too young it seems
To put food upon the table!.
Although one has stolen bread and beans!.

This is living with abandon,
Abbadon it should be for there is no out
Nor in to it, no rescue nor release
The parents there not seen for days and weeks
Until the hangover drives them no place else
No cash remains to drown it and so
They abandon that for those they have abandoned
To beat them for their many faults
And abandon them once more!.
There's nothing for it and but one thing
At earliest opportunity each soul must one day do
ABANDON!

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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
This is excellent poetic description by which you engage the physical, emotional, and moral senses!. The scene you describe is very common in America and surely in other parts of the world!. We see the results every day on the Poetry and other Internet sites!.

I like the way you ironically use "abandon" with its double, opposite meanings!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

oh My god!. this is hardcore poetry here!. this is really good!. not a rhyme but thats perfectly okay because its a free verse wonderful!. trust me id know!. personally im getting a poem of mine published!. keep writing its fantastic!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Too much truth and too much pain for secret keepers!. Thank you for exposing this, for those who cannot!. And by your last word many cycles
have been broken!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

This has much to say but needs more of your keen eye to fine tune!. I found some lines begging to be shortened, given more impact!.

Empty room, barren table
dishes in the sink with mold
faucet open, no water flows,
utilities not been paid

abandon living, although
abandonment it should be
but there is no out, nor in
no rescue!.!.!. nor release

Each person obviously has a style in writing!. This is how I would work with your words!. This has merit and a message and I like the word abandon and how it is used!. Some additional tuning in my opinion is what is needed!.

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