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Question: What do you think of this poem/song I wrote!?
"Haunting Me"
I lay in bed asleep
and I wake up as I weep
I weep tears of sorrow
I tell myself I'd deal with it tomorrow
I need to get you out of my head
it's not my fault your dead
so just leave me alone
I'm scared of you you've known
You need to go away
you can't stay

I can't go on much more
sorry about the pain you had to andore
but its not my fault so stop please
haunting me

I can't get you off my mind
everything before you died was fine
now I'm even scared to breathe
all this pain why me!?
I lay here trying to sleep tonight
but all I can do is fright
I wanna run away
but you'll chase me anyway

I can't go on much more
sorry about the pain you had to andore
but its not my fault so stop please
haunting me

I wanna die but thats what you want
for me to give up well I'm not
I wish that you would go away
please don't stay another day
(screams: GO AWAY!)

I can't go on much more
sorry about the pain you had to andore
but its not my fault so stop please
haunting me

Ok whatcha think!?
It's mainly about a girl thats being haunted by some ghost girl or guy, that she really doesn't know!.


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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I kinda like it but the end of the chorus seems too short, just Haunting me!? What about

but its not my fault so stop please
please just stop haunting me

The song overall!.!. I'd give it like a6!.5-7 it's really emo-ishWww@QuestionHome@Com

GREAT POEM!

(maybe it should be "endure" rather than "andore" tho!?)

Feels to me like it's based on personal experience (as the best poems are)!.

Keep writing!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

i say 10 outta 10Www@QuestionHome@Com

eh, it's okay!.
the chorus is too short!.

kinda emo!.

i say!.!.!. 7!.3 out of 10!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I really like this, i look at it more as a song then a poem!. I think it sound like something Flyleaf would sing!. I picture a rockish,emoish type of girl singing this!. It is really really good except the chorus could use three or four more lines!. Over all you did great!. Just fix it up a bit and lengthen the chorus and there you go!. I would give you a 10 out of ten!. And I'm not just trying to get points, i actually like it!. I try to write songs myself but they end up dumb!. So really a awesome job you've done!. Keep up the great work!Www@QuestionHome@Com