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Question: Please read, I'm pretty new to poetry! !?
I'm still pretty new to writing poems!. Some friendly advice is welcome and opinions of course (polite ones please)
Thank you!!!!
Pretending you never happened
The constant lies are too much
Pretending the connection was never there
Memories all I have to clutch
Pretending that your words don't kill me
You know things shouldn't be this way
Pretending that I didn't just catch you staring
I wish you could hear silent pleas
Pretending that you never wanted me
Are we both ashamed!? Or perhaps afraid
Pretending that the dance was never done
Why can't you just fade!?
I fall to pieces
You hold back
Love decreases
My world becomes black
I am in love with you!.
You said you love me
That was your cue
So why can't we agree!?
No more lies
Take my hand
Look at me in the eyes
Help me understandWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
it is an excellent poem, by reading it we are easily able to understand your feelings!. your wording is clear and concise and provides a dramatic visualization of your situation!. and by the way if he is playing coy perhaps you should find someone that is at least open enough with their feelings to be honest with you about them!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
try to let go on such a strict rhyme scheme!.!.!. relax and dont worry about making it sound good at first!. But it is very good you have a lot of potential!.!.!. go to my profile and questions and read some of my poetry i have been writing for a while!!! please comment! :D Thanks great job!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I don't mean to be cruel but when you ask me to spend my time, I have to be honest!. If you can't handle it, stop reading now!.
Once every other line starts with the same word, I stop reading!. Robert Frost couldn't make soup out of that stock!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Lovely poem!.
Seriously, you can't tell you're a beginner!.
Looks like you've been writing poetry all your life!. :]
Im a poet [kind of] myself, and Im not that good!.
You beat me!. Oh darn!
Lol, :]Www@QuestionHome@Com
Pretty good for a beginner!. The rhythm seems a little off, but the more poetry you read and write, the quicker it'll come to you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
That was a really good poem!. You can't tell you're a beginner!. i t just really opens you're eyes t it almost wanted to make me cry ( of course i'm really sensitive) I loved your poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i think it was nice try not to used the same word a lot please help me now http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index!?!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
The last three paragraphs were awesome i like the short lines that like collide with each other it's great you should keep writing!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
it's sad but very goodWww@QuestionHome@Com