Thoughts on my poem??

Question: Thoughts on my poem!?!?

another one of my poems, please give me your honest feedback! it doesn't have a title yet, im still working on that!.!. here it is:

Fast forward to a few years down the road,
As someone dares to mention the night!.

The night where lies came undone and secrets surfaced,
Promises were broken; and likewise friendships!.

The night that made us once shiver,
And felt like the demolishing of life as we knew it!.

But instead of wincing at the very thought,
We all laugh at the epiphany of childishness we created!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I like it a lot!. it makes me kind of shiver!. my only suggestion would be to change the 'and likewise friendships' I just don't like how it flows there maybe something like 'promises were broken, friendships were shattered' BUT what I wanted to tell you is that if you want better reviews on your poems than you can get here, go to fictionpress!.com its an actual site for people to post stories and poems on and get reviews from other people who like to write!. oh, and look for stuff by me: h20pologirl!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

honestly, it doesn't read well!.!.the first paragraph is interesting!.!. i am curious and i want more!.!.!.but the past and present and future wordings , well there all wrong!. u say fast forward!.!.like this would be in the future!.!.next paragraph!. it sais the night where lies CAME undone!.!.!.!.this is a past word useage!. it continues that way, u say promies were broken et!.c same w/ next paragraph!.!.!. the night tha t made us ONCE shiver!.!.now were really in the past!.!.!.but than the last one comes together!.!.!.and ur back at the present, joking bout that silly thought u had of wht COULD be!.!.!.!. i get it, i do!.!.but the wording isn't right!.!.!.!.i will say that its a neat concept!.!.!.so to fix!.!.!.!.!. make it the future!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like this poem
the first line talks about time
fast forwarding
It also talks about friendships
and how they are broken
comparing this with promises
The next line talks about being cold
shivering when lives grow apart
instead of together for warmth!.
And having fun!.
Www@QuestionHome@Com

that was very good!. i like the poems better when they don't rhyme every other word!. it speaks very much about what things go on in the world today!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

wow!.professional!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Nice poem!. I like it's division in couplets and your thought sequence was good!. I'm not very fond of modern poetry, but I liked yours!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

[//!.-]

Emo garbage!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It doesn't read like a poem!. Throw it in the garbage and try again!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

gooooodWww@QuestionHome@Com

It sucks!. Well you wanted the truth didn't you!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

i loved it that is awesome Www@QuestionHome@Com

good!.!.!.i like the last stanzaWww@QuestionHome@Com

nice :)Www@QuestionHome@Com