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Question: I m from middle east and taught myself english ,this is my poem can you suggest anything *what do you think!?*!?
Tonight I m going to leave
I m going to leave you forever
May god bless your soul
And give you all you want
I will pray for you when the sun dies
And sink drowning in sea
And when it gets alive
Or gets so high to see
I will pray for you as the moon drifts
In the black dress of my lonely night
And as the stars shines with love
I will sprinkle my tears above
How we sail in this world
Without boats, or tender hearts
Without knowing right from wrong
And the waves drive us away

Tonight is my last day with you
And after that I will be gone
May god protect you
May god hold you tight in peace of green meadows!?
Because you are my home
and my heart belongs to you

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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I am very impressed with this poem, especially since English is not your first language!.

I am going to re-write here some tiny changes to show you the exact usage of English!.!.!.!.however, this poem is worth keeping exactly as it is as it has the charm brought to it by being written as you have done!.

Tonight I'm going to leave
I'm going to leave you forever
May God bless your soul
And give you all you want (desire!?)
I will pray for you when the sun dies
And sinks drowning in the sea
And when it comes alive
Or gets too high to see!.
I will pray for you as the moon drifts
In the black dress of my lonely nights
And as the stars shine with love!.
I will sprinkle my tears above!.
How do we sail in this world!?
Without boats, or tender hearts,
Without knowing right from wrong,
And when the waves drive us away!?

Next verse - perfect, no change

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It's theme about religion is good, don't mind the idiot that said these things are old!. Your first two lines are quite cliche (the idea and diction) and therefore doesn't give it an appealing start!. But when I consider that english is not your first language (It's not mine too), your poem is a good start!. just keep reading more in english and definitely keep writing!.

God bless you, brother,
RidWww@QuestionHome@Com

I wouldn't change anything!. Spelling/grammar-wise it's considerably better written than most English people could manage and, more importantly, it's obviously from the heart!. May I suggest you join Triond!.com and publish it for the whole world to see!? It's free to register and I've had all sorts of things published!. It doesn't pay huge sums, but the more people that read it, the more money you'll make!. Money can be paid into a PayPal account!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Seeing as though you self-taught yourself English, I believe this poem is absolutely magnificent :)

I've no suggestions since I'm not too into poetry itself, but by golly, I like this :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

you can make it a bit more meaningful and make it fun to read!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

might have been good if it wasn't bad!.

(too much!.!.god stuff and religion, no one likes that stuff these days, keep poems about sex, drugs, music, death)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Can be improved with selection of words, but if you taught yourself, that is AMAZING, good job!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I really enjoyed reading that poem! I like how you seperated each given thought into its own little stanza! Oh and I like your literary terms that you put in there!.
i like this part:
''In the black dress of my lonely night
And as the stars shines with love
I will sprinkle my tears above
How we sail in this world
Without boats, or tender hearts
Without knowing right from wrong
And the waves drive us away''

at that point it really captures the readers mind and paints a picture in his head!. and good job with the english tooWww@QuestionHome@Com