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Question: New Poem Please raead and tell me what u think please:!?
To Love a Broken Heart
You lied to my face you took advantage of me
young, innocent as pure as can be;
i thought of you as a friend,
Now i want revenge;
I never said yes to scared to say no
my body just frozed as i remained below;
i wanted you to love me with all your heart
instead you just broked it apart;
you got pleasure i got pain
this memory will die in vain;
I love the person who hurt me most
He haunts my dreams as if he were a ghost;
you cause me so much tears
i became numb in fear;
i will give you all my heart
i will let you break it apart;
Promise me one thing at the end of the day
That you care for me is all you have to say!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Hi Cutie Pie!.I love apple pies, so i 'll be honest with you!.OK !?
1st) What is (broked ) !? I mean in what tense!?
2nd) How do associated the two (conflicting) lines:
Now I want revenge and
I love the person who hurt me more!.
3rd) If breaking Ur heart apart is a 'memory will die in vain', how can it be linked to ' I 'll let you break it a part' !?
In sum, U didn't take main line upon which U 'd spin Ur treads!.And hence U kept the reader going back & forth figuring what is that U wanted to express!. U could 'v take ' love to be hurt as the main line, but then U don't have to complain about being hurt, because its a contradiction that weakens the whole poem!. Keep on writing, spell out Ur feelings, and don't give a d!.!. about whether its a poem or not!.Good luck apple pie ! Www@QuestionHome@Com
its nice!. you have great rhymed and everything, and i know where your coming from with the pain of a broken heart!. but even though its a horrible experience to face, you should really put some light into the poem!. let the reader know that there is a new beginning for something even better to happen now that this experience has ended!. give the readers a sign of hope!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
Oh, wow!. This is exactly!.!.!.like!.!.!.everything I've felt!. You don't know how much I can relate to this!. And this poem!.!.!.took my breath away, but that's not a surprise, is it!? This is so amazing, it's very powerful, and has a lot of meaning!. These could be in a book!. Tip: a poet with a wealth of knowledge in vocabulary is a successful one!.
Sam <33Www@QuestionHome@Com
I really liked it, but the ending was a little!.!.!.mmmhhhhh!.!.!.!.donno!. I would have finished the poem at "this memory will die in vain"!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I really like that poem!.!.!. I wish that I could write like that!. I don't really think that there's much wrong with that at all!Www@QuestionHome@Com
i think its good, but i think the first part was better then the second!.Www@QuestionHome@Com