Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> Another free verse poem?


Question: Another free verse poem!?
When I first saw you
I was easily repulsed by you
But as we begin to talk
And you began to open up
You showed that underneath
Was a sweet, lovable, caring boy
You led me on
You threw me off
Your performance was so believable
You could’ve won an Oscar
I truly believed you loved me
But when I saw you with that girl
My eyes were drenched
And my heart sank into despair

My second try!. Any suggestions!?Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
You have some good sections in there!. Maybe try to cut down on wording!. At least for me, in poetry, less is more!. The image becomes more powerful the less dressed up it is!. For example "you led me on you threw me off - I like that a lot, but the next two lines could be cut down to "an oscar winning performance"!. also, I'm dying for some images because you did catch my attention!. Why were you repulsed!?Was it looks,!? What in particular turned you off!. What did he talk about that made you like him!? You've made me curious!. That's a good thing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It reminds me of a song,killing me softly"with his song"!.I know these are not the lyrics but the mood of the poem reminds me of the song!.Looks okay to me,no suggestions needed,its good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com