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Position:Home>Poetry> Thoughts on my poem, please?Question: Thoughts on my poem, please!? Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: To tell you the truth, I disagree entirely with your premise!. The human mind is a matrix of discerning binary systems, hardly incoherent-- it is our nature to systematize!. That said, I commend you on a solid, persuasive effort!. Your poem provoked thought in me, a critic of your premise, which indicates a degree of persuasion and reverberation!. Well done on that front, which succeeds due in major part to your observance of the objective correlative!. Form fits function!. However, I think that your treatment of the subject is a little unjustified!. There has to be some poetic propulsion that drives a reader to read on!. Why should I read your poem!? Now, you don't need to explicitly justify or defend your topic selection in the poem!. What you do need to do is give me more than a jumble of angsty words!. Tell me a story, give me a metric engine, create connected images that fascinate!. I like the attention you give to your language; I just want more than abstractions!. I want tangible, captivating substitutions!. Www@QuestionHome@Com It's a little rough around the edges, in my opinion!. Some of the ideas aren't expressed in the best way (how ironic for that poem)!. Otherwise, it's a wonderful idea and one of the better teen poems I've seen in a while!. Good job :)Www@QuestionHome@Com 8 its intellegent, and true i agree :) it makes sense, puts thoughts into words congratsWww@QuestionHome@Com Very good word choices!. But when you ask them to leave one moment, you want them back the other!.Www@QuestionHome@Com It shows a lot of potential for you as a poet!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Oh boy!. I can relate to that!.Www@QuestionHome@Com It's nice!.Www@QuestionHome@Com VERY KOOL! keep writing!.!.!.you've got talentWww@QuestionHome@Com goodWww@QuestionHome@Com |