POEM: How is this summer limerick?

Question: POEM: How is this summer limerick!?

People at the beach resting on towels and sand,
Listening to tunes from their favorite bands!.
On a day hot as devil`s fire
Folks tan with little attire!.
Children please sheathe thy eyes with thy hands!.

@Is it bad!? Should I try again!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

How about this as an alternative!?

On the beach with their towels on the sand
Hearing tunes from their favorite band
On a day hot as fire
Folks with little attire!.
Are laying around getting tanned

Why not have a look at Funny Limericks For Everyone to get more inspiration!?

Www@QuestionHome@Com

There is one major problem I have with it: it isn't really a limerick!.

1!. Limericks are usually funny!.
2!. They usually follow the rhyme scheme aabba!.
3!. The syllables are usually broken down as follows: 8,8,5,5,8!.

You're poem is more freeverse which is more in style right now, but I really don't understand!. It's a bit too eclectic for my tastes!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think this sounds ok maybe its the form,
People on the beach resting
on towels and sand
Listening to tunes
from their favorite bands
Just a suggestion, Cheers!Www@QuestionHome@Com

it's really cool, but the last line threw me off!. it's a totally different sound than the rest of it!. it's not bad, it's just different =) Www@QuestionHome@Com