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Question: Should i submit this to a poetry contest!?
Dancing in the Rain
I smile softly as you pressure me through
the darkness hiding beyond your shoulders;
Lights off, streets wet, street lights on
and magic fills emptiness as rain pours through clouds
crying down streaks of rain
I do a spin and you just laugh, take a picture
Nothing is more magical than dancing in the rain
Silent rain falls down on black rodes
The smell of rain fill the air; so damp and cold
Clothes soaking wet; clinging tightly to my skin
Nothing is more magical than dancing in the rain
!.!.!.with youWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Don't ask me why, but when I was reading your first poem, Dancing in the Rain, I had visions of two people in Venice in the rain (I know, I have no idea why, either)!. I think it was very "photographic" -
Lights off, streets wet, street lights on
and magic fills emptiness as rain pours through clouds
crying down streaks of rain
I do a spin and you just laugh, take a picture
Nothing is more magical than dancing in the rain
In fact, the more I think about it, the more I can *see* it!. This is one of those rare poems which instills an image in the eye of the reader, and which they will take away with them!. I don't think I'll ever quite forget the image of the rain "crying down" while you spin, and he laughs!. As you say, "Nothing is more magical than dancing in the rain"!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
The melody that sings a song
Winters bitter breeze, and fear
Smiles are forgotten,and blown away with the accumilating years comes the unforgivable sickness of hearts that freeze in the cold December air
Makes your hair frizzed, and teased
The sun sleeps behind the clouds, fearing the bitter cold will rush to his aura like rings, and like the moon he will flush
Time just stands there as the snow begins to fall
No voices heard, none at all
The echo of the eerie misterious gloom
as if you're not alone, in this empty room
Then mother moon sings to the sun,
come out, and heat the earth
It's so depressed
soon it's defeated
Www@QuestionHome@Com
It is up to you as to if you should or should not!.
I shall only say, review, recheck and punctuate!.
Check your spelling as well!.
To do or to not do,
the choice is ultimately yours!.
Sam
Www@QuestionHome@Com
Pretty good!. An intermediate level love poem!. Lightly sensual!. Simple construction!. Some excess words!. Sure submit it!.
But be careful with love poems!. They get boring real quick!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
There is a lot I like about the first poem but it doesn't flow very well so I would have to go with the second poem!. Both are very good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com