Another peom ,i want honest answers plz,,what doyou think?

Question: Another peom ,i want honest answers plz,,what doyou think!?

Nice journey
life is
Without tears
days are
And I will still believe
In hope
One day
I will have my faith again
In you and me
In our days together
we will laugh
There will be no tears
There will be no chains
Surrounded my ankles
And I will be yours
No matter how far
I got away from you
It’s the legend
We will drift
Together
In the same sea
In heaven
I look out the window
And see myself alone
Walking down the streets
I just see my back
And past
Is gone
Future
Is so ashy to remain
I sit again
Assuming I could sit
And look at the sky
As I hunger death
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Life is a nice journey
Although we have tears and sorrow,and angry thaughts still hope keeps us alive
So I still believe
One day will have my faith again, in you and I in our days together!.
Will be no tears or chains surrounding my ankles
We shall laugh and I will be yours
no matter how far apart, we are
It's the legend we will drift together in the sea
in heaven
Look out my window, see myself alone,
walking down the streets,
past is gone, future is so ashy to remain!.
I sit and look at the sky
as I hunger to go up to heaven!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Poetry is known for being cryptic, but there is a different between cryptic and just not making sense!.
I liked some of the lines "there will be no chains surrounding my ankles"
Love, to me, is like a prison!. No matter what, you can't escape!. Although love can be good, it can be fierce, so I understand the poem, but there are many lines that it could do without!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

first part is good
each line is to short put it a bit together
I didn't like this ''Surrounded my ankles'' that is in past tense and the poem is in future tense it should be ''Surrounding my ankles''
the end is good but does not go well with the beginning
overall I think it is good I can't write like that Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow, this poem is so, wow i just don't know how to describe it!. Even if i did find the words to describe it it wouldn't even been to flatter it and the art of it by the artist, you the writer!. All i can really say is it is inspring in a deep kind of way, it makes you think!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

A little sad- and not really to my taste these fractured lines put your schizoid tendencies on public view!. Overall a quite evocative and interesting piece of work I like it!.
Should not the last line read
"AS I HUNGER 4 DEATH" !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like it!. Perhaps substitute "misty" for "ashy"!. Read through it!. There are just one or two typos, but keep at it!. I think you're on to something!. Well done!.
Good luck
Mike BWww@QuestionHome@Com

I am a bit old fashioned and traditonal so it's not me; but be yourself and express yourself as you think fit!. If you like it that's the most important thing!. Keep writing!Www@QuestionHome@Com

no rythym at all,,, very herky-jerky

read it twice, still cannot get a sense of what you are saying,,,

what is "ashy" !?Www@QuestionHome@Com

Very good, somewhat depressingWww@QuestionHome@Com

Wow! That was so deep and sad!. Yet with feeling toward someone wanting to find happiness!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

AWSOME keep writing and some day you will be famous!.
Www@QuestionHome@Com

i wouldnt know im a 7th grader but i think it sounds nice^_^Www@QuestionHome@Com

*sniff* i like it!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Trite!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

TWISTED and I LOVE IT!Www@QuestionHome@Com

great but kinda gloomy!Www@QuestionHome@Com

pretty good ;)
Www@QuestionHome@Com

kinda darkWww@QuestionHome@Com

i like it =]

good job!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

you'd better work on the structureWww@QuestionHome@Com

I cant lie!.!.!. its weirdWww@QuestionHome@Com

its epic!. ^_^

i like it!Www@QuestionHome@Com