Tuesday is my day, but I did an extra tour last Thursday!.
Emergency at the Old Folks Home: A Two-Scene Play in One Act
by Elaine Polin
Characters:
Elaine (Volunteer)
Kathy (Supervisor of Volunteers)
Scene I – The Summer Kitchen:
Cell phone: Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture (BAM! BOOM! CRASH!)
E: Hello!? (It is impolite to indicate you can read the caller’s ID)
K: Hi, Elaine, it’s Kathy!.
E: (Feigning surprise) Oh! Hi, Kathy!.
(Aside) What does she want NOW!?
K: Do you have an extra hour this afternoon!?
E: Kathy, I’m overwhelmed with work!. My Publisher, TD…
K: You can write and read poems any time!. This is an EMERGENCY!
E: Good Lord! Has someone passed away!?
K: No, thank heavens!. But our nurse is ill and won’t be in to do her class!.
E: Kathy, you know I have no medical knowledge!.
K: But you’re the only teacher/volunteer we have,
and the show must go on!.
E: What’s the topic of this class!?
K: Use of condoms!. They think they’re safe
because they can’t become pregnant!.
E: Kathy, I have a friend who is a nurse!.
Even she didn’t want to conduct such a class!.
K: Please, Elaine!
E: Well, do you have a script!?
K: No, but I have a condom!.
E: Kathy, I can’t do it!.
K: Please, please, I’ll love you forever!.
E: Well in that case…
(Desperately types “venereal diseases” into the search engine)
Scene II- The Activity Room of the Old Folks Home:
E: Hi, everyone!. Today we’re going to discuss
a very interesting topic…
(Aside) Lord, please, help me!.
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