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Question: Please be kind!.!.!.but tell me honestly what you think about this poem!.!.!.in the nicest way possible!.!.!.thanks!
Dance across the desert,
Feel the sand move across your feet!.
Feel it caress you like a lovers hand,
Let the gentle wind carry the sand
upward, let the grains kiss your cheek!.
Move across the frozen waves,
the dunes in the ocean of sand!.
Feel the heat breathe down upon
Like a sensual sign!.
Feel the sand dance
around every part of your body!.
Began to know the desert
as your partner,
as your friend,
as your love!.
Watch the sunset on the horizon,
Watch the desert change color
all for you!.
It puts on a show
It picks up the speed!.
The dance becomes more intense,
more desired!.
Feel the sands fires cool,
Feel the wind wrap around you!.
The dance has ended
It is time to sleep!.
For tomorrow
Is another show,
another dance!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
You truly have the heart and mind of a poet!.!.!. I believe if you work on meter you will be able to impress anyone!. You do have talent and creativity!.
I would have liked a different ending!.!.!. considering the rest of the poem it was anti-climactic!.!.!. but that is a personal opinion!.!.!. it was very good!.
note: my last 3 lines as an example:
next to you
and dream of you
my desert lover!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
very descriptive!. my teacher always tell me to get rid of all the weak words(you know, the, a, an, but!.!.!.any words that are not needed to get your message to your reader!. and I have to admit, I love stanzas, they act like chapters in a book and many poems are helped by them, others are not!. You have to decide!. But whatever you do, don't stop writing!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
great Ann!! i feel u have a flying soul, it just arrived to the desert and even danced there!. !. !. wow i do like it, it gives the feeling of those indians around the fire , the wild rebel soul is in the poem
well doneWww@QuestionHome@Com
Idk!. Deserts are pretty extreme places to be squandering energy dancing in!. Better to dance in a temperate region where there's water nearby!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
You've got a lot of vivid imagery and description there, which is nice, but I didn't quite get what you wanted to say!.
Www@QuestionHome@Com
BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
WONDERFUL!!!!!
AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!
-? Taylor ?Www@QuestionHome@Com