Please tell me you honest opinions? 10 pts!

Question: Please tell me you honest opinions!? 10 pts!

Tell me if i should change anything!?

you made me laugh
you made me smile
at first i thought it was worth a while
you liked me
but i loved you
you broke my my heart
into little parts
you got me thinkin
if you still care
if you ever wanta get back together
just say when and where
and i promise you this time
it'll last always and forever!
Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Take out last two lines!.

My suggestion to replace them:

my heart
i'm still peicing together
desperate for you foreverWww@QuestionHome@Com

Well, you don't have a consistent rhyming theme throughout the whole thing!. What I mean by that is that say the first two lines rhymed, and then the next two lines didn't, and it repeated like that!. Or you could split it up into three stanzas of four lines and take out the 'you liked me' line!.

You made me laugh
You made me smile
At first it was worthwhile* (you might like the line this way!?)

Here's my look on the last two lines:

If you want to be together
just say when and where
I can't calm my longing
it's my deepest, truest prayer!.

Not really sure if that's what you're looking for though (I like the length of the last four lines)!. Editing is one of the most important things about any writing process, you might want to go over it again and flush out unnecessary words that don't add much meaning to it or any good rhythm and add more descriptive words to make it more immersive and well roundedWww@QuestionHome@Com

I like the whole thing you really get your point acrossWww@QuestionHome@Com

yeah last two lines are a bit cliched Www@QuestionHome@Com