Tell me what you thinkk :)

Question: Tell me what you thinkk :)

Pinning me up against the wall,
As our lips intertwine!.
Standing before me was heaven,
This angel was all mine!.
I was hesitant at first,
But slowly started caving in!.
This boy standing before me,
Was my sweetest taste of sin!.
He places one finger on my lips,
"I know you want this too,
There's no denying love,
What you feel inside is true!."
Pressing my body against his
my hands begin to shake
This is it, no turning back
A Feeling I'll never be able to fake!.
Thoughts racing through both minds,
Overwhelmed by this feeling from within!.
A gentle kiss as we go upstairs,
Love was the sweetest sin!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Would be good to music, a simple beat or somethingWww@QuestionHome@Com

i love it! it is def!. an excellent poem good job =)

some positive critisism ---> everything written is extremely literal, you could play around with some symbolism and metaphoric meanings!.
it would be cool to refer to 'lust' in this poem, it would suit it!. Try refering it to things in life so that readers can relate and really experience what your trying to convey in this poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

its wat fantasies are made of

its good dat yo still wkg on it but do be careful to not over-edit it and end up losing that original inspiration that got yu to point pen to paper in da first place!.!.!. ive done it before - and a poem may end up plastic and hollow - but i love it, keep it up!. well done
oh and thanks for yo feedback on mineWww@QuestionHome@Com

Certainly better than your previous offering!.
I see your lips are still intertwining!. I do hope the condition isn't permanent!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

this from a bimbo who says my poetry was copied, go grow a brain!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.by the way i can see why you thought my poem was copied, compared to this teenage filth its a masterpiece!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Very well thought out keep it up, for i believe there is no greater thing in life but creativity!. It is the life blood of all great ideas and inventions :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

thank you for commenting on mine!.!.!.and i absolutely adore yours! don't listen to the haters, they're just sinfully jealous, keep them coming!Www@QuestionHome@Com

it's beautiful, I think that you could probably end it like this, it stands up on its own sooo well, I love it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

sexyWww@QuestionHome@Com

Love it!. You're uber talented!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

very nice :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

i love it, it's like first love!.!.!.!.it's really good, it should be published!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like it, its really sweet :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

I've seen so much worse!

It's good, keep working on it and it'll be great!Www@QuestionHome@Com

veryy good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

haha makes me want to have sex!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like it!.!.!.!.nice oneWww@QuestionHome@Com

i like it =]Www@QuestionHome@Com

Enjoyed it, well done!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

omg this is AMAZING! I love it!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's really not that bad and i can give you some hint's to spruce it up a bit okay grab a dictionary and find word's that have the same meaning as ones you have written down try to make it mysterious to other readers causing them to in turn pick up a dictionary to understand it!. Real poets with the knowledge of poetry will be able to decipher it's words and meanings you will leave the rest of the people in awe!.
What I look for in a poet is there ability to not only make people feel the poem but make them live it, A good poet can make a woman weak in the knee's, her heart skip a beat because they are making them live it!.
That same poet can also bring the biggest egotistical man to his knees because nobody is above reproach of there past there present and what the future has in store for them it's the ability to make mortal being's weak from there eloquent way with word's!.
And your best poets can write a poem and every body is in awe but to him or her it is still a piece in the making of greatness!.
So it is good to be humble and as you said you are still working on it and probably will be for the rest of your life because you want it to be more then good you want to make mortals weak from it!.
when the poet gets weak from his own poem then you know that it is near completion!.
I hope that my honesty and insight have been to some use to you!. Www@QuestionHome@Com