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Question: Would you offer your suggestions on my poem about humanity!?
HE JOURNEY DOWN DEATH MOUNTAIN
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Wasting time creating lies in drops of solid Earth and sky
So we can swim and sigh inside all these little things!.
Ears and eyes turn back inside because they felt melodic vibes
From those who never seemed alive and surely could not sing!.

Whispered noises, giving choices, no longer cast aside as voices
They say the life you thought was yours in many ways is not!.
Another child reconciled when death certificate is filed
His sickly host is buried deep as he becomes a god!.

The greatest lie is you and I the individual
We share (but we are unaware) of where we hide the soul
The single mind only divides and opens at your birth
For every thing and living being is taken from the EarthWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
it's deep
no doubt about that
reading it line by line you can relate to it in some way
It's a complex piece to swallow
but i think that its beautiful
and love how the simplicity is hidden
with the style and form!.!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's a very perplexing poem!. Cannot figure out what it is all about even after three readings!. First stanza starts too abruptly!. Much better to use simple, down-to-earth words and ideas when writing, either prose or verse!. Any piece of writing should communicate at first reading!. Sure this isn't a trick!? Just my doubtful thoughts!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

i feel really really stupid for saying this, but i didn't get it :(

it's probably just me though!. sorry!.Www@QuestionHome@Com