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Question: Comment on my poem please
Summer Crushes
Summer Crush
Moving carelessly
as in a vivid dream,
Nearby clouds gather
as I cross a stream,
Rain slowly cascades,
Loose strides before
become more mindful
yet my footing unsure!.
Rhythmically the rain
falls, urging my steps
to become more aware
Onward the road is wet,
Puddles on the street
that's where I slipped,
It's hard to see far
When she is amiss!.
The path, soft before
was hard when I fell,
This drizzle remains
as I begin to dwell,
Spirits soaked, I sat
thinking it's wrong,
The fall was so short
but the hurt so long!.
I shout at the rain
now becoming intense,
It wasn't her fault
I never did listen!.
Time will help, but
the reality it brings
can be more cruel
than mirrored dreams!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
hey Tim Bits!. (i love saying that!.!.!.) alright, your poem is beautiful, as always!. but, i don't really like your title!. if i were the poet, i would have named this poem something along the lines of!.!.!.Mirrored Dreams!.!.!.or something to do with rain and pain usually when i title a poem of mine, i would use a word or phrase that is in the poem already!. or something relating to a word or phrase already in the poem!.
but seriously, besides the title!.!.!.i am in love with this poem!. it's so cool how you relate the rain with your loss!. and how at the end, you express your sorrow, without sounding conceeded!. my favorite part about your poems, besides the fact that they always make my stomach tingly, is the fact that your characters aren't afraid to show emotion and be like totally and fully open to heartbreak!. like, all your poems that i have read, are romantic, right!? so, your heart broken characters are always perfect!. they fall into love ready and willing to be broken!. but they have enough trust in them, to be completely beautiful!. but while their beauty is just too much to handle, you throw in a perfect ending!.
listen Tim Bits, your poems, no matter what anyone says, are beautiful to the fullest!. seriously, i loved it!. =]sarahWww@QuestionHome@Com
very descriptive but not engaging
Include some form of rhyme, it'll make your poem more interestingWww@QuestionHome@Com
incredible!.!.!. u wrote this!?!?!?!!!!?!?!?!! wow its really good !.!. continue like this and u will become a poet if u already arnt one!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like it, alot!. Great metaphor, You have talent!.!.!. Keep writing poemsWww@QuestionHome@Com