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Question: Poetry!.!.!. what do you think
The flash of the razor across her skin,
It is a vice or a deadly sin!.
To make things better, to kill her pain,
let blood flow feely, just like the rain!.
Her blood may fall, and form a puddle,
But inside her head, its still a muddle!.
Deep in her veins her emotions boil,
She cant make sense of all the turmoil!.
On-one can truly understand,
The pain which marks so, with her loving hand!.
The mess around her, all built up in her head,
Forgets the loving family, and she wishes her dead!.
But when the pain it leaves her, and it all disappears,
It’s the scars under her clothes, the reactions she fears!.
She wishes she could stop, put an end to the harm,
But when things get to much, the blade makes her calm!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
At the end, the Harm and Calm, i would change that a bit if you wanted too, but I don't think it really matters considering this poem is so filled with emotion you almost get put into a trance, feeling like you are the girl with the razor in hand!. But by deadly sin, you need a question mark (i hate being uptight) but DO NOT change the idea or the words!. It's an amazing poem!. You should write more!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I see where you are going with this,,, something is leaving me unsettled about it and I'm not speaking of the subject!.
It just feels forced, no passion, more like a series of idle comments!.
The opening sentence is awesome for getting my attention,,, after that though,,, I am going, huh!?
Www@QuestionHome@Com
its not bad!. slightly repetitive, to me anyway!. Like you could add more, but you aren't!. It just seems to keep talking about the same thing, blood!.!. scars, and blood!. Its not bad though!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think you need to go see someone!.!.!.!.!. thats pretty disturbing!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I just had a nice breakfast!. I wasn't looking foreword to reading about a puddle of blood, and raining blood, this early in the morning but oh well!.
The imagery is morbid, the point sadistic, and the reenactment true!. Some people do cut themselves!. If I wanted to know about cutters, I would read a psychology paper, not a poem!.
Analogy:
Would you enjoy a poem about how a father beats his child, and gets pleasure from it:
Or how a mother does cocaine, and lets her 13 year old daughter, join in on the celebration!.
Sure these are realities, but they are unappetizing ones!. Poetry is supposed to give inspiration, not take it away!. If you would have made a recovery part in this poem, I would at least have said that it could get cutters to stop cutting, but no you lacked virtually any positive backing!.
It is just beyond twisted, and needs to be put aside, on the shelf's of psychology!.
That is how I feel!.Www@QuestionHome@Com