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Position:Home>Poetry> My poem good or bad????Question: My poem good or bad!?!?!?!? Inside, she’s breaking
But no one can see past that smile she’s faking Inside, she’s falling But no one can hear her silent calling Inside, she’s torn apart But no one knows what’s in her true heart Inside, she’s dying But no one can see her crying Inside, she wants to scream But no one understands that things really aren’t what they seem Inside, she knows no hope But no one really tries to help her cope Inside, she says goodbye But no one expected her to commit suicide Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: It's good!. I think the series of rhymed couplets and repeating the word "inside" give it a sort of driving urgency!. I think it could be improved by controlling the number of syllables in each line!. For me, the best stanza is "Inside she's falling / But no one can hear her silent calling", five syllables in the first line and 10 syllables in the second with stress on 3 and 5!. It's pretty symmetrical!. Some of it is a bit cliche!.!.!.breaking/faking, dying/crying!. You may need to find your own, more original voice!. Stanzas six is a little too "theoretical" I think you want to smash your reader in the face with some visceral imagery that reflects your pain and speaks to his/her senses!. Hoping and coping are a little, well !.!.!.boring!. Hope this helps!.Www@QuestionHome@Com its good a little emo but pretty good it kinda sounds familiar is some of those lines out of a song!?Www@QuestionHome@Com it's pretty depressing!. If it's true then maybe you can get out a bit more!. Talk to someone!. Is it true!?Www@QuestionHome@Com It's very good!. Keep it up!. Www@QuestionHome@Com not bad tho cud be more deep and poetic Www@QuestionHome@Com nice!Www@QuestionHome@Com |