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Position:Home>Poetry> What do you think of my poem? Insightful answers only pleaseQuestion: What do you think of my poem!? Insightful answers only please This was written years ago when I was 15, I'm 21 now!. I do not consider myself a poet, never did!. And if you intend to reply with a rude or demeaning response, do not bother to answer!.
"In The Morning" Whirlwind of memory Remembering what was To me, it's nothing Nothing interesting enough to discuss If it is, it's not hurtful In the morning you forget about it Almost like a distant blur A plain, mist of the past With no future at all I awake By the sound of a phone callWww@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: hmmm!. nice and intriguing!.!.!.!.!.I like it seriously!.!.!.good for a 15 year old!Www@QuestionHome@Com For 15 years old, this is a great piece of poetry!. Many adults a lot older than your current 21 cannot put together a poem like this!. If I were to be asked to edit this, I would uncapitalize the first letter of each line and write it in sentences with punctuation so that it reads exactly how you were thinking it!. It says the same thing, but enables the reader to get into your head and benefit from how you were thinking it when you wrote it!. For instance: "In The Morning" Whirlwind of memory remembering what was!. To me, it's nothing!. Nothing interesting enough to discuss; if it is, it's not hurtful!. In the morning you forget about it almost like a distant blur, a plain mist of the past with no future at all!. I awake to (not by) the sound of a phone call!.Www@QuestionHome@Com First of all, the fact that you didn't try to rhyme shows more maturity than I'm used to seeing in someone of that age!. also, your image creation shows promise!.!.!."whirlwind of memory"!.!.!.great line!. I'd suggest a few edits!.!.!."A plain!.!.!." is a little weak when set before "mist of the past"!.!.!.try, "A dim mist of the past"!.!.!.which would also give you an alliteration!. "With no future at all"!.!.!.seems a little hyperbolic!.!.!.maybe "No sense of a future at all"!. Finally, "by the sound of a phone call" is anticlimatic!.!.!.not the image, but the phrase!. Try, "I awake to the sound of my phone" or "Awakened by the sound of the phone"!.!.!.either phrase would be more specific and therefore more tangible!. All in all a very admirable write for a 15 year old!.!.!.I'm sure you're glad you held on to it!.!.!.keep writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com That was lovely!. Are you sure you were only fifteen!? Because this poem is really genius!. Haha!. Although at first moment, it may seem confusing, you wrapped up the poem really well!. Nice conclusion!. I also loved your words!. They describe the scene really well!. If you'd like advice, I'd say to add a little bit more words so the rhythm of the poem could be clearer (to some people!.) For example, when you say "i awake", you can say I awake abruptly!. I loved your poem!. =DWww@QuestionHome@Com Completely agree with Autum and Kevin!. Well done, indeed, for a 15 year old!. And!.!.!.do keep it! Some of my very early writings have vanished into the mist of past times!. Sorry they have!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Excellent! A very good poem!. Thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I'm glad you decided to post your poem it's very good I like it a lotWww@QuestionHome@Com |