Position:Home>Poetry> All you guys please help me to improve this poem. What do you think of it?
Question: All you guys please help me to improve this poem!. What do you think of it!?
Slump
The insomnia is chilling
I am like a drink
That is cool
Not quenching
I like so diving
In waters raining from storm
Trusting centrepidal whirlpools
Sucking me under soul
I find love
Like poison cynide
It adorns
With the wisdoms granite
That the mind is frilled
With dendrite
On the cover of a magazine
Cool chic and cosmopolitan
I feel voracious
What of such forages
Cups of slush
Would you ask if I touch
I occasionally cuddle
In arms in chicks in love
My sin like treacle kisses
Weed me out
Of this sour pickle secret
Slump
Dripping I crawl out of the water
In a twillight I am in her
In duration
Softly we inhale the slip
Of mindWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
heres how i would rewrite it!.!. just some slight changes
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Slump
This insomnia is chilling
I am like a drink
That is cool
Not quenching
I dream of diving
In waters raining from storm
Trusting centrepidal whirlpools
Sucking my soul under
I find love
Like poison cynide
It adorns
With the wisdoms granite
That my mind is frilled
With dendrite
On the cover of a magazine
Cool chic and cosmopolitan
I feel voracious
What of such forages
Cups of slush
Would you question my touch
I occasionally cuddle
In arms in chicks in love
My sin like treacle kisses
Weed me out
Of this sour pickle secret
Slump
Dripping I crawl out of the water
twillight I am in her
In duration
Softly we inhale the slip
Of minds (or my mind)
also, consider changing the title to show what is actually being talked aboutWww@QuestionHome@Com
theme not clearWww@QuestionHome@Com