Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> Criticize my poem? :) I want to improve!?


Question: Criticize my poem!? :) I want to improve!!?
Kissing poison in the rain
treading down this memory lane
camouflage these tears I cry
can you tell this is goodbye!?

Kisses to apologize
for all the hurt and all the lies
so one last time to feel this bliss
the taste of poison's bitter kissWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
it's actually very good!. which is to say that I like it!.

"treading down this memory lane" has some rhythm issues!. "memory" is anapest while the rest is iambic, if I haven't forgotten the terms!. so its' kind of out of place - maybe a revision could help that!.

"can you tell this is goodbye!?" doesn't seem to further the point of the poem very much - it sounds like filler content!. maybe something new there!?

I like the second (last) stanza a lot!. only thing I might suggest there is some punctuation!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Honest opinion: nothing to improve!. You are an awesome poet and that's a God given talent that not everyone has!. Just keep writing and it isn't other peoples opinion if it's good or not!. If you think it's great then it's great it doesn't take anyones criticism to change that!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Improve!? That's impossible! You truly have a talent for poetry!. This is absolutely amazing!.

If you really want a critic, then I would say make it a little teenzy bit longer!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

OMG this poem is sik (meaning extremely good)!. I write poems myself but I sure can't top that!. keep writing poems, you have a gift!. use it for good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

i think it is perfect! i love it! your really good and you dont need to improve any part of itWww@QuestionHome@Com