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Question: Is this to long!?
The Vase
It all seemed so real; it did every time I dreamed of
her!. Her perfume lingered in the bedroom, and my
cheek still felt the tickled of her hair as she bent over
me!. I tried to keep the dream alive as long as I could,
but only the memory of her still lived on, and I could
not give it any future!.
I lay looking at the ceiling trying to image her lying at my
side; to feel her warmth and the softness of her body, but
the side of the bed on which she slept was cold!. The only
evidence that she was once was part of the room were
the patterns on the walls cast by the tall crystal vase which
stood on a small table near the window!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It comes across as a short story, so if it is meant to be that, then no, it is not too long!.
If you intended it as a poem (this is the poetry section so I'm assuming you did) then I'd say that you need to edit it somehow: a poem can be any length, but the sentences themselves seem to me to be too long, or too detailed!.!.!. too, I'm not sure how to describe it, except to say, it does seem like prose!.
But if it is only the length that you're concerned about, I wouldn't worry about that!. So long as you like it!Www@QuestionHome@Com
You honor her well by remembering her!. To me you have 3 to 4 poems here waiting to be developed, especially one around her prized vase!. As to the children, their roads will carry sorrow, but always leave the door open as they may return!. Carry on!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I Read and saw it exactly as intended!.
Not only was it Beautiful, Sad and Meaningful,
It was also very serene in it's own endearing way!.
Thank you for sharing something,so precious!Www@QuestionHome@Com
That was so lovely!.!.!.!. I feel for you, I really do, I hope with all my heart that things get better for you!. To be able to write words like that I would say you are a special person!. xWww@QuestionHome@Com
Robert, again you devastate me with words!. No, it is not too long!. And I will not worry about technical stuff of writing right now!. You have me in tears at 5 am!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Once again Robert, bravo!.
(Damned shame that YA creates a format that spoils our postings!.!.!.but, then, excellent postings will remain just that!.)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Yes it's more like a short story than a poemWww@QuestionHome@Com
ya it is too longWww@QuestionHome@Com
Your work is never too long for me!. I could read you until my eyes would no longer function!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
That is a deep love that runs true ,,,No it's not too long!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.I feel your lossWww@QuestionHome@Com
what a love story!. it seems to me that love and sorrow are emotions we all share equally!. thank you for sharing this!.Www@QuestionHome@Com