Poem...critque would be awesome! Thanks Poets!!!?

Position:Home>Poetry> Poem...critque would be awesome! Thanks Poets!!!?

Question:

I turned down the heat just to keep the sweat away,
I didn't have the right words, but had so much to say!.
As the sun came up the moon went down,
So I wondered why can't they just get along!.

I've never seen snow but I know how the cold feels,
I've been walking on my own but I still feel real,
I'm surrounded by mirrors but can't see myself,
I wanna feel like I'm cared, from everyone else!.

I smoke a cigarette not to quench my thirst,
I do this so I can just fit in with this curse,
A moment suspenses as we all being to laugh,
And in between no one cares to see my eyes!.

I suffocated when I hit the bathroom floor,
I filled up the vodka, till I couldn't take anymore,
Now I'm sipping on loneliness cause I took to much,
But I'm getting by fine so don't worry about me!.!.!.

I can see a mirror but I can't see me!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Oh I really loved it!. sounds like you wrote that from the heart!. Very deep!. You have great words flowed very nicely!. write something else!! You should make a little journal of all of your poems!. I bet you could come up with a whole bunch more!. You should post some other ones would love to read em!! My fav line was now I am sipping on lonliness cause I took to much!.!.!.!.thats a great way to put it!. and I've never seen the snow but I know how the cold feels!.!.!.!.beautiful!. I just had a crystal clear image every line I read!. You are very talented btw!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I love the mirror lines - it definitely adds to the effectiveness of the poem in reaching the minds of its readers!. also, great job on paying attention to the number of syllables that you used in each line - it made the poem so nice to read and it helped its meaning to stick more - very nice!

If it's not too much trouble: http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Pretty good, I liked it! Peace!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

i liked it!.!.!. As the sun came up the moon went down,
So I wondered why can't they just get along!. i like that line!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

very good, I even got goosebumps because your poem was so good!. keep writting!. =)Www@QuestionHome@Com