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Question: Is the theme trite or specific lines or both!? Which ones!? Critique!?
You form the phrases of love!.
Your words surge
With the undulating tides of your lips
And float to my ears
Where they rest for a fleeting moment
On the last breath of a dying day!.
Your words are mine alone,
Transcending time
Until they filter down into my soul,
Making me whole again!.

They fill me up,
Quelling the void
Created by the distance
Between two hearts
And rise to claim their home
Amid the celestial perfection
Orbiting around us,
Emblazoning their grace
Upon heaven's gentle skyscape
To remind us of these moments
For all our lives!.

They confess their hope
To remain bound to us forever
As their smoldering embers
Bond us together,
Two star-crossed lovers desperately trying
To untangle the web of constellations
That imprisons our emotions!.

We'll escape
And search east of the sun
For the glimmer of hope
That arrives with each new day!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Did someone tell you it was trite!? I'd like to ask them why!.

Granted, it's not a challenging poem, and its style is a little familiar - like that of an intellectual college student having grown into more maturity!. But for all of that, I'm still impressed by the crisp word choice and the overall organization!. I'd consider dropping "star-crossed lovers" even if it fits the poem, just because that is cliche!.

Would you consider changing "float to" to "moor at", which implies floating but half-implies staying there and evokes more imagery!? Up to you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com