Poem about being heart broken. thoughts?

Position:Home>Poetry> Poem about being heart broken. thoughts?

Question:

Ready to Let Go, But Not Of You!.

I was fine before you,
Not needing a boy or man in my life,
After you seems impossible,
I dreamt of being your wife!.

I can’t let go of our dreams and the life we’d planned,
Or the memories of us late nights in the Florida sand!.
I don’t regret it, being your girl,
I just wish now you’d still call me your world!.

I feel so worthless, like I’m good for no one,
What did I do wrong!? Didn’t we have fun!?

What has the world come to!?
True love is supposed to be forever,
We were going to be happy, eventually together!.

Your goals changed,
But I was not apart,
You didn’t mean it,
But you broke my heart!.

Thousands of little pieces, my heart never the same,
I am forever changed, haunted by your name!.

You’re all that’s on my mind,
Another man like you, how will I find!.
You loved me for two years, what went wrong!?
All I can hear it our stupid Plain White T’s song!.
"I'm sittin' here tryin' to convince myself,Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Pebbles,

It's good to write out your emotions because I can't speak for anyone else, but it saves my soul from abyss!. Do I have any thoughts about your work!? No, I don't!. Heartbreak happens everyday and it's a subject well travelled on these pages!. My only thought is that I feel sorry about your loss!. If you want me to critique your work by poetic merit, I will be nice and say that it breaks every rule there is in poetic expression and I will leave it at that! I do not want to hurt your feelings in a moment of frailty, so when you write something that is entertaining and breath taking, I will judge it for its merits as a poem or song!.!.!. Once again, I apologize because I am being honest!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think as a poem, its a bit narrow as far as an audience!. Its very much about one person, though it has relatable elements!. Yes the poem is long and yes I think you could cut a great deal and still keep the integrity of the poemWww@QuestionHome@Com

Hi Pebbles,

Nothing wrong with long!. I have to echo Buzbe and say that reviewing this on its poetic merits in a time of frailty is not the best plan!. Rather, this is a very good example of writing for yourself!. Sometimes you just need to get it off your chest, and I think you've accomplished that!. This is not academic poetry, and that's good--this is for you and you probably felt better after writing it!. I wish you well :-)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Again i agree with DragonLady, the poem drags on far to long and it is only about the one topic, it leaves the reader feeling annoyed and bored!.

You could easily say all of this in four Stanzas at the most!. Poetic structure is vital to the attraction of a poem, if you wish to write a long poem, you need to branch out in different avenues and keep the reader engaged!. Don't just stick to the one train of "desperation woe is me please i love you come back to me" thought!.!.!.!.give the reader variety, use metaphors or something!. Good luck!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I really liked the poem a lot' but you maybe should of written 2 separate [poems instead of one long one' as people get Bord fast and will only read half' when the whole poem is so full of feelings and sadness' and life !.Www@QuestionHome@Com