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Question: An Australian story maybe!?
The sun beat down on the far reaching plain,
it had been four years since it felt any rain!.
And sun burned bloke who was tall and thin,
stood rolling up a smoke from a rusty old tin
took it all in his stride!.
His mate sat next to his Blunstone boot,
A Queensland Blue by the name of Beaut!.
A faithful mutt from way away back,
who has seen it all in the great outback
took it all in her stride!.
The sunburned bloke was a ringer true,
who could outwork the likes of me and you!.
A cattle drover, fencer and shearer of old
who could out shear the best or so I am told,
and take it all in his stride!.
He and his swag had travelled the land,
along bitumen, creek bed and the hot sand!.
His Queensland Blue, you remember Beaut!?
would rather have travelled in the back of a ute,
but she took it all in her stride!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
You have talent! The way you rhyme the lines are excellent!. I have lived in the country all my life until recently, on a cattle farm, so I can empathise with the characters, which helped my understanding!. However, the way you have written it in simple phrases (which does remind me of Banjo Patterson and Henry Lawson, as it did others) I believe would transport any person reading it to the scene!. I can almost taste the dryness of the dust in my mouth and feel the sun burning my back!.
Having said all that though, I do agree with you about the last two verses!. They are good and manage to capture the tone of the piece, but the change in format was slightly distracting!. Maybe if you tried rephasing them to fit with the same rhythm as the rest of the poem it would help!. I am sorry to say I'm being a bit of a hypocrite in saying this though, as my poems are quite freeform and I have difficulty rhyming them!.!.!.oh well!. Looking at other people's poems help me to format my own, so thanks for drawing that to my attention!
How old are you, by the way!? You're very good, and I'd be interested in seeing some of your other writing, if there is any!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
WOW!. Well, i livei n australia and although that soudns nothing like where i live it sounds incredible!
It sounds great!. It acctually sounds like something from Banjo Patterson!.I felt like i was in the scene!. GREAT!
Keep writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It sounds really good so far!
Could you possibly email it to me please!? I'd love to read the whole thing! If you agree, contact me via my profile and I'll send you my full email address!.
Your fingers skipped over the 'd' in Blundstone by the way :-)
All the best!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It sounds like a Banjo Patterson poem but I understand there were others who adopted his style of writing!. He lived during the 1800's in Australia!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I can see the whole scene, and as I said before, no one honors the pioneers enough!. Thanks for such a vivid work!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like it :)Www@QuestionHome@Com