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Question: Critque my poem for me THANKS!!!?
I saw a shooting star shine through the night sky,
It almost made my day!.
But to my surprise it burnt away at my eyes,
Now I think I'm blind!.

And to this day I resonate these thoughts in my head,
A thousand picture frames,
And these memories hang on hooks inside my brain,
I just wanna sleep in my own bed!.

I get headaches, yeah I know everyone does,
But mine are bad enough,
So I can't have dairy and I can't look at the sun,
What a way to live!.

I've been singing for so many years and now I've lost my voice,
I follow footsteps I've never seen,
Down one long path which always leads right back to me,
I wish I never heard, anything, well, anyway!

I'm searching for a fallen star to guide the way,
But it's just a shame that my life's turned out this way!


Tell us what you think THANKS!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I feel that each verse is really good but they don't seem to connect much!. They may share a theme but it seems as if they could all be from a different poem each!. Maybe work on continuation and connecting each verse to make the poem easier to follow!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Your poem needs a guiding thought to it!. Just one!. your thoughts seem so wayward I can't really see what you are saying!.

And to this day I resonate these thoughts in my head,
A thousand picture frames,
And these memories hang on hooks inside my brain,
I just wanna sleep in my own bed!.

you are resonating thoughts here, but you just want to sleep in your own bed!. This puts two thoughts across: that you are awake, but you are sleeping!. they should go together but instead they spread wide apart!.lolWww@QuestionHome@Com

its good, but to me it doesnt make sence that your searching for a fallen star to guide the way, but a shooting star burnt your eyes awayWww@QuestionHome@Com