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Question: Kingdom of god!.!.!.poem!.!.!.critque again please!!?
In the kingdom of God everyone gets along,
So I guess God doesn't exist on this world!.
In the kingdom of God we all sing the same song,
So I guess God doesn't Exist on this world!.
When the young die young, who is there to explain,
I've seen one thousand crying mothers, dying from the pain!.
In the kingdom of god everyone acts the same,
Theres no massacre's and political campagins,
In the kingdom of God there will be no pain,
But pain is the only thing to make us feel,
So I'll take my time in hell,
In the kingdom of God Everyone learns to breath,
But all this polution must mean theres no God!.
In a world that doesn't care, I'll take me odds on a fiery demise!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Your poem smells of disdain(no one escapes any 'god' by being anti to them)
you obviously know more about misfortune than about the creative!.
I suspect you are quite young!.
The beauty of poetry is that a reality can be twisted into something new(though words); the undesirable can be made at least interestingly beautiful!. Where there is beauty there is mystery!.!.!.& hope!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I am not one to critique someone on their poetry's subject matter, so I will focus on the poem structure!. In the first stanza, you double your second line as your fourth, but you don't use it again in the rest of the poem!. Your stanzas are set up 4-2-5-2-1!.!.!.I guess my point would be, take the time to actually set up the poem in a more legible fashion, and one that can be quantified as a single unit!. To me, this seems more like a freestyle rap than a poem!.!.!.if that was the desired effect it works quite well!.!.!.if not, I'd do a couple more revisions!.Www@QuestionHome@Com