Position:Home>Poetry> What do you think of my first ever Villonnet poem! :)?
Question: What do you think of my first ever Villonnet poem! :)!?
Villonnet
The Villonnet was created by D!. Allen Jenkins!.
A Villonnet is a hybrid of the Villanelle and the Sonnet!. It has the Iambic Pentameter of both,
but holds the four-stanza/line structure of the sonnet, while utilizing the two-line rhyme nature
of the villanelle!. The final stanza replaces the sonnet couplet with a typical villanelle tercet!.
Does it even make sence!?
My Poem:
New roads constructed are paths uncharted,
Moulded by porcelain the young at heart,
Fragile and delicate of destruction,
Strewn by feathers til young has departed,
Vibrant in colour the rainbow sublime,
Signified art piece displaying ones Hope,
Life like a rose bud blooms, welters and dies,
Life cycle made with periodic time,
Winds churn oceans wrath which challenges life,
Surfers ride waves overcoming ones fears,
Never letting the thorns prickle ones toes,
Ensuring ones life is kept out of strife,
Humanity strives to be good at heart,
Enjoying life’s pleasures received by God,
Life to be enjoyed from the start of birth!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I agree with the others!. You have some great stuff going on here, but it needs some work!. I don't have anything to add to what the others have suggested; however, I would like to point out that there is an important part of the villonette missing!. You are missing the refrain which is the 'vill' part of the 'onette'!. According to the villonette criteria, the first line of the first stanza should also be the last line of the second stanza and the last line of the first stanza should be the last line of the third stanza!. Then, the first and last lines of the first stanza are also the first and last lines of the tercet!. It would look something like this:
New roads constructed are paths uncharted
Moulded by porcelain the young at heart
Fragile and delicate of destruction
Strewn by feathers til young has departed
Vibrant in colour the rainbow sublime
Signified art piece displaying ones Hope
Life like a rose bud blooms, welters and dies
New roads constructed are paths uncharted
Winds churn oceans wrath which challenges life
Surfers ride waves overcoming ones fears
Never letting the thorns prickle ones toes
Strewn by feathers til young has departed
New roads constructed are paths uncharted
Enjoying life’s pleasures received by God
Strewn by feathers til young has departed!.
One other thing I noticed!.!.!.the first and last lines of all stanza are supposted to have the same rhyme sound!.
The Theme and bones of the poem are very good, you just need to clean it up a bit as far as rhyme, rhythm, and structure are concerned!. This is a tough structure and there are lots of details to consider when following a pattern, but it is well worth all the hard work as long as you give it your best!. I know this sounds like a lot and can seem over whelming, but let me assure you that we only offer these critiques because your poem is already good and you seem have the desire to learn and the skills to pull it off!.
Keep writingWww@QuestionHome@Com
I can't quite get the rhyme scheme in this and though each line is beautifully written they don't seem to follow on one from the other!.
What is 'welters'!? I think 'wilts' would be better!.
One other small point - it should be one's fears and!.!.!.!.one's life!.
You set yourself a hard task!.!.!.and I would say it is partially successful!.
I hope you won't react with anger (as I have noticed so often happens, when I do detailed analysis of a poem) I am only trying to help and advise if I can!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
This one shows your burning desire to create!. You are such an artist!. Again, Neon has mapped out the meter correctly!. Some of your iambs are trochees; 'DE dum' instead of 'de DUM'!.
Like I've always said, form is secondary to message!. If the words are right, the phrases will be easy to read and understand!. Some of your lines in this poem are great; "Vibrant in colour the rainbow sublime!."
Don't let an idea whither and die because it does not fit the mold!. Let the thoughts drive the lines!.
TDWww@QuestionHome@Com
Galactia!
Hi, it's me!. Somtimes you scare me to death, girl! All that explanation of the descriptive!.!.!. I can sum it up like this!. You are using the 'abba' pattern with a phrase at the end!. Then you say "!.!.!.Does it make any sence!?" (do you mean sense!?) The work blows me away and the couplets are not your standard issue sonnet ones, but it makes the storyline more of the story than perhaps a song lyrics style that most poets incorporate!. I hope all is well on your shores!.!.!. kiss the little ones for me and have a g'day mate!Www@QuestionHome@Com
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That, which is only my untrained ear, is how I would accent your first stanza!. Most is iambic!. As a whole I like the first and last stanzas!. Stanza 2 starts with a cliche to me!. Stanza 3 battles of life using water and thorns!? There is much here to use, but as in anything worthwhile, this needs more development in my opinion!. Welters or whiters!? Overall, this is a tough structure to pen to, I give you credit!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Interesting form!. I really like your second line (very original)!. I think your strongest stanza is the first one!.
You have put some good phrasing in this one!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Not bad! I haven't heard of a villonnet before and I studied poetry at uni! I thought you'd got the word wrong and had meant to say villanelle!. !.!. Learn something new every day, huh!?!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I really like it!. Interesting!.Www@QuestionHome@Com