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Position:Home>Poetry> Please help with my poem?? i just wrote it, plz give feedback?Question: Please help with my poem!?!? i just wrote it, plz give feedback!? "breaking dawn, breaks my heart
you'd have to take away all my abuse!. turn this madness into art!. for my expression goes unspoken!. i can never hate myself enough to make much sense!. with too many truths, that after taste is akward!. a blend of colour!. douse my thoughts with gasoline!. spark a fire!. i'll set your curosity a blazeWww@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: What shines about this poem may not be the form, a thing I give little credence, but the unique concept!.!.!. I have made it my own personal standard not to pay much attention to anything that does not feel original!.!.!. as far as I can see this is and very!.!.!. I love your use of words, I love the idea, I love the imagery!.!.!. I do have one question, why does it begin with a quotation when there is no other in the rest of the piece!? Moving on!.!.!. you can, if you want, smooth it out a bit by changing some of the wording to make it more clear!.!.!. unless clarity is not the goal!. The first line threw me off but I have to say it was enough to draw me in as well!.!.!. the seconded stanza-let is odd because it breaks from the form of the other two!.!.!. not to say that this doesn't work, only I have not found an explanation for it!.!.!. another suggestion is to use proper capitalization!.!.!. If you think that I am being too "rules Rules RULES!" here just take a look at some of my earliest works then come back to my more recent!.!.!. I have been refined by many of the pros here on answers!.!.!. they have helped me refine my art!.!.!. and I have only benefited from it!.!.!. My two favorite lines and the reason I so love this poem!.!.!. 'turn this madness into art,' ',spark a fire/ i'll set your curiosity ablaze,'!.!.!. beautiful really!.!.!. Over all I say, exquisite!.!.!. if you are new to the poetry world you are off to a great start!.!.!. if not then I know you are progressing and learning more each day!.!.!. Blessed Be in The Ongoing Learning Process, SirenWww@QuestionHome@Com It sounds like you are in a lot of pain!. If writing eases you or is a way of expression keep doing so!. My interpretation is: the dawning of a new day doesn't excite you any more!. With each new day comes a series of questions, ie: is something good going to happen to me today!? I also see you keeping people at a distance because if they got to know the true you it would shock them and they would no longer want to know you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I have nothing to say on this poem, but i think Sam is out of her mind on drugs after making such a comment!. It boggles the mind how stupid some people are!.Www@QuestionHome@Com That poem is very good!. It's interesting and way better than I or anyone I know could do!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I pretty much agree with Siren on this one!. I really liked it and she said all that I would have said!.Www@QuestionHome@Com That Rocks! I really like it, I don't quite understand the "that after tast is awkward" part!.!.!.!.!. GOOD JOB!Www@QuestionHome@Com its not bad!. I dig itWww@QuestionHome@Com |