Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> Honest opinions on my poem?


Question: Honest opinions on my poem!?
-Continue to dream-

I dream of a day when there's nothing to fear
Nothing to worry about
Not a visible tear
There will be no hatred
No judgements made
No killing, No betraying
Hopes will not fade
Until this large world
Unites as a team
I myself will sit here
And continue to dream!.!.!.!.
-me-Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I think it's actually quite nice!. I really like the ending!.

A few points:

Line 3 feels forced!. You've stuck the word "visible" in to keep metre and it doesn't really work for me!. I'd try to rework this line!.

Line 8: "large" world!.!.!. I think you could get a better adjective than "large"!. It sticks!.

Line 10: I would say "I will just sit here"!. The "I myself" doesn't sound right!.

One final comment!. Your poem seems to be similar to John Lennon's "Imagine"!. I wonder if you could "imagine" a world where everyone follows the speakers idea and just sits around dreaming!.!.!. waiting for the world to change!. You might want to either bring out the irony of this a little better or bring in some kind of call to action!.

Best wishes!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Just imagine
to dream of no more fear, worries, wars because solutions would have been found
Relationships or marriages would stand together because no betrayal no worries
No hatred if problems are worked out
but
this is not a perfect world
its nice to dream
Just to think of how things were things are and will be with improvementWww@QuestionHome@Com

Makes a good song !.!. especially for those school band and sung by a group ( like in church)!. U remind me of the song (WAR what is it good for)!. It needs refinement though, but the topic is well picked!. I'm dreaming w/ U :)) !!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Flows very nicely!. The reality is that life is hard!.!.!.we all know it!. So do I want to read a poem that reminds me of it!? No!.!.!.try writting more poems that are inspirational, that give hope!. Lord knows, we all need that!. You obviously have a talent for this:)Www@QuestionHome@Com

pretty awsome poem, the "team" part took some of the affect out of it for me but besides that very nice!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

change the team part to something with Fights and unitesWww@QuestionHome@Com

It's so wonderful!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Thats great and really inspirational!. you are not the only one who dreams of a peaceful world!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

that is a really true poem that apparently came from your opinion!. GREAT! :]Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow, that is good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com