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Question: Do I need more effort on this poem!?
I just made it last night without editing it!.

SUMMER NIGHT
Big blue clouds, carrying roaring silence
Crickets calling to the sun
The moon silver and so mysterious, gloomy
The stars hide beyond thick wall clouds, so shy
Sunlight shining in the east , a bright glare
It will be morning soon!.!.!.!.it will be!.


Please criticize and be picky!. I want to improve it!. I know I can!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
"Be picky!." line-by-line

Title: The title isn't bad except it tells me that this is going to be a static poem, that is, it isn't going to move much!. If the poem were called "bus accident" I would expect some more action, if you see what I'm saying!. As it is, I expect this poem to show me a landscape and not much more!. This is the problem with calling a poem something entirely literal!.

"Big blue clouds, carrying roaring silence" is interesting, but mostly for the juxtaposition of the words!. Unfortunately, many young writers (and I don't mean to insult anyone so if you are old, I apologize--it's just very common with younger writers) see the exciting position of the words as part of the attraction to poetry!. In this case, "roaring silence" is one of these phrases!. Silence does not roar literally, only figuratively is it ever loud!. Then again, it is being carried by the clouds, so we almost are expected to see it!. This is problematic, and "clouds" your meaning!.

I actually like "crickets calling to the sun," despite its personification, or anthropomorphizing of the crickets!. If this is all the crickets have to say--it kind of works!. I say keep it in there!.

The next line is a bit bland!. The moon is silver, mysterious and gloomy!. Actually, all these things are true, but what do they make you imagine!? If you said "The moon reminds me of a dancing quarter" then I'd say sure, I can imagine that, too!. But if you say it is silver and gloomy, I'm left thinking, okay!. Sure!.

Again, a bit more personification with the hiding clouds!. This isn't bad, per se, but personification went out of fashion in poetry a long time ago!. The fact that they are also shy will drive some people nuts!.

Sunlight shining in the east, a bright glare--these are all literal images that continue the idea that this is a landscape, a painting of a scene--the backdrop for a poem to happen!.

And finally, the last line!. The poem is sort of limping at this point, running out of things to say about the summer night!. But then, what's that!? At the end, an ellipsis and THE POINT!. Now you want us to know that there is hope--that another day will come!. I like that!. I like that you made me think that way!.

Unfortunately, the rest of the poem doesn't support it all that well!.

Here's what I think: I think you're a good writer struggling to figure out how to get the best ideas you have onto the page!. I would really strongly suggest you look at a book called "The Triggering Town" by Richard Hugo!. It is possibly the best book on writing poetry I've ever read!. As it has been a textbook for years, it is probably pretty cheap on Amazon!. Richard Hugo (the author and poet) talks about this exact issue and helps you see where a poem like this needs to go!.

Again, I think this is a good start and would love to see where you go with it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

To me it lacks a certain strength!. I'm not sure what it is, I just feel like it's missing something!.
It needs to have better imagery I think!. Whilst I was reading it my mind began to wander, that's never good in a poem!. When you read it you should be able to think of nothing else and you should be totally engrossed, I wasn't!.
As a first attempt it's ok!. It could be improved dramatically, and judging from what you have done, you could do so!.
Keep writing!. The more you write the better you become!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like it a lot, the only thing that stuck out was the use of the word SO--so mysterious, so shy--one is good, pick one and change the other!? I don't know a lot about poetry, but I do know I like this one very much!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Nope, its good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com