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Position:Home>Poetry> Just wrote this poem, is it any good? What can I work on?Question: Just wrote this poem, is it any good!? What can I work on!? Black & White
You must know I see what you see The difference between black and white But just ‘cause there’s diversity Does not mean there is wrong or right I believe in coexisting I know my love is colorblind And all that you’ve been insisting Proves that you are out of your mind!. Why don’t you think that black on white Is just the same the other way!? Consider a dove in the night Is so like a crow in the dayWww@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Anne!. I especially like the last lines how you used the Dove and Crow as a contrast that the reversal of black and white are the same considering the circumstances between night!.and day!. very unique in deed!. I have to agree with Cheery you might drop THAT in the fourth line of the second paragraph!. Be sure and put a comma after Proves!. also, you never want to start a sentence with But!. You, might drop But and say Just because and shorten Does Not to Doesn't in the fourth line!. These are only suggestions!. It's not criticism This just makes the flow of the Poem more enhanced while reading it!. You, as the writer will know which you feel is more comfortable for the reader!. It is a very, very, good Poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I like it, but for the last line on verse tow, i think there are too many syllables the way i read it, why not try "Proves you are out of your mind" Other than that, i see what the poem is saying and i think it's really good!Www@QuestionHome@Com Really like it, good point!! Nice poem!! Cheers!! Favorite part of the poem: Why don’t you think that black on white Is just the same the other way!? Consider a dove in the night Is so like a crow in the dayWww@QuestionHome@Com that is really profound and has great wordplay!. I really love it!. Don't change anything!. The best poems are written in one shot, off pure instinct and emotion!. Don't second guess yourself!. Let it be!.Www@QuestionHome@Com You need to fine tune it a little bit, but it is a really good poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |