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Question: Could you please critique this visual poem!?
I have narrated this myself, as my wife thought it would be better, what do you think!?

http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=-LJ25bo6o!.!.!.


this is a link to the original poem

http://uk!.answers!.yahoo!.com/question/ind!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Yeah, golf is definitely a pride thing - but only when someone else sees you stuff your shot into the rough (or the bunker, or the water)! Weapon of choice - a good analogy!. I liked the line "velocity looses to the wind"!. Could you have worked in 'trajectory' anywhere!?

Great to hear your voice (although if your wife does the voice-overs on the other poems tell her I think her voice is lovely) and was that final shot of yourself!? Anyway, I'm really getting into all this visual poetry stuff and I think it's great when poetry can be used to describe things like golf!. Whatever next!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

I liked the video better as this does seem much better suited to narrative!. The word that still catches me is "ligaments"!. It seemed choppy, but could be me!. Any poem about golf though, is good in my book!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I stopped the film after 3 seconds!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

love it but I agree the word ligament is a bit weirdWww@QuestionHome@Com