Position:Home>Poetry> *** Is this a good story??
Question: *** Is this a good story!?!?
His smooth skin felt good, Samantha felt his muscles tensed as he moved against her!. He sat up then suddenly, the moonlight flooded the tiny blue room!. Samantha touched his back, his skin was now very cold, but she left her hand there!. He brushed it off and stood up!. He looked back once but didn’t say anything, and then he fled the room!. Samantha called to him to stay, but nothing left her lips!.
A siren screeched outside Samantha’s flat!. She awoke with a start; a cold sweat lined her brow!. This was the third time she had had this dream this week!. Who was this man and why couldn’t she get him out of her mind!. The phone rang!.
“Hello!?, Sam speaking” she answered wearily!. There was a dial tone and nothing more!. It was too late to be bothered Sam though and put down the receiver!. Sam awoke the next morning it was seven o’clock and the sun was already lighting into her apartment, the coffee was boiling and the paper was outside her door!. She opened her door and gathered the paper!. Flipping to the comics as she usually did!. As learned as Sam was she did not deny herself life’s small pleasures!.
When she flipped the page she noticed an envelope in a pale emerald ribbon, her heart skipped a beat!. Her hands were trembling now she pulled the small scrap of paper out of it and on it; there was one thing, a small circle with a line through it!. Sam’s head was swimming, “what is this” she thought!.
Then a feeling struck her much like the strange feeling she got in her dreams, a feeling of being watched!. She couldn’t shake it, Sam once again was starting to sweat!. Then came the slow but steady knock on the door!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Dear Raven S!
Apparently you have tried to form a picture of a suspense but at the same time you have boringly added affection without any calculated harmony!.!.!.
For instance after Sam awoke from dream you mentioned phone rang but after she said "Hello" there was a dial tone merely!.!.!. this makes the story not only weird but it projects an attempt for developing a magical happenings!
Try to fix the statistics so that the story holds a solid grip on the reader till end!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Hm!.!.!. to tell you the truth it sounds a bit like you got some ideas from Twilight!.!.!. but its pretty good!. To make it great, I think you need to draw out the plot a little!. Put in little details that catch the audience!. It gives more depth to the story and provides for more deep thought!. But keep up the good work =) Good luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com
actully i think it is really good so far and creative title i wish you would have wrote more o and for a rough draft i got really interested in it so keep up the good work!Www@QuestionHome@Com
wow you actually had me on my toes lol!.!.its actually quite a good story!. lol!. and i usually pass out after a paragraph if i read a borign story!. great jobWww@QuestionHome@Com
hm cuteWww@QuestionHome@Com
I like it!. But what is mostely the proplem in the story thoe!?!?
I think kinda the man in her dreams should like kinda be a bit of a jerk and stuff!. But she thinks she is supposed to be with him so she gets married to him and stuff but then she has another dream about another man!.!.!.!.!. And so on so on
Hope this helpsWww@QuestionHome@Com
I like it, I think you need to break it up a little bit by adding just a couple commas here and there just because it kinda comes at a rush!. Example "Flipping to the comics, as she usually did!." I think its a good story line and I am positive that the story sounds good in your head just put it down for a few minutes and come back so that you can maybe see it in the readers head!.Www@QuestionHome@Com