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Question: Plese tell me what you think about this poem!.!.!. and i need a little help!?
FEELINGS OF AN ORPHAN
My feelings are all welled up,
in my tiny little heart,
I cant even share them
for, i am like a lonely star!.
A star that alone wanders,
in search of love and care;
for brother or a sister,
or a friend that he could make!.
None can feel the pain,
and the agony that my heart suffers,
only a bit of sympathy,
for me, could actually do wonders!.
!.!.!.!.!.
Please tell me what you think about this poem!.!.!. i think it needs another stanza because it looks incomplete!. Please, help!.
ThanksWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Okay, here you've written in open verse, and your lines are more extended!.!.!.so you're on the right track!. The down side is that your beats are inconsistant!.!.!.the reason open verse works without rhyme is because it still contains consistancy with its form/beats/meter!. Grammatically, when you say, "brother or sister", you need to say "!.!.!.they could make" or "they could provide", not just "he"!. also, you use the simile "like a lonely star", which is always weaker than the metaphor "I am a lonely star"!.!.!.also, wandering stars are called "planets", so be careful about the accuracy of your metaphors/similes!. I understand the image you're trying to create, but it suffers because of the use of "star" as your image!.!.!.you could have chosen other images that do wander in search of something, or appear to do so!.!.!.a leaf on the wind, etc!. As far as needing more stanzas!.!.!.there is no such thing: you need to have a specific concept in mind, a particular image or emotion you're trying to convey or evoke, and then you write what you need to write in order to make that happen!. If you can do it in a single stanza, then it's complete after one stanza!.!.!.if you take 75 stanzas, then that's how much it took!.!.!.don't get hung up in "I think it's too short" or "I think I may need more stanzas because it looks too short"!.!.!.figure out what you need to say and say it!.!.!.that's how many stanzas it needed!. If it "looks incomplete", it means that you did not convey what you meant in the number of stanza written so far!.!.!.so just keep writing, or go back and edit the previous stanzas until you say what needs to be said in the number of stanzas already written!.!.!.remember, say more with less is the motto of poetry!.!.!.and you don't need to explain "everything"!.!.!.create the image sufficiently so that we come to the same place or conclusion!.
!.!.!.and keep writingWww@QuestionHome@Com
yeah another stanza would work!. It's nice, but i think you should really just think more about it!. So i can feel some more emotion!. What i do, this may sound lame haha, i watch foreign films in the dark, and i feel surpluses of emotion, and creativity!. They always spark a great story line, or poem, or even just words!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It does need another stanza, you're right!. Perhaps make it a little deeper!. I think with poems you should always have to read between the lines to guess what it's about!. With this, you don't have to, it put on a plate for you!.
So, make it a little deeper and switch a few things round and it could be good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com