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Question: Check out my poem!.!.!.!.Please!?
This is my first real try at poetry, so if you hate it, please be nice!.
The radio is burning
The soldiers are asleep
They're stuck on a journey
Where everything is cheap
And soon the boss will awake
He'll push them on their way
Not a thing is at stake
But he just wants a taste
The radio is reporting
Everything that went wrong
Your vision is distorting
You know you've went along
The radio is lying
The monsters are all here
Nobody is trying
Here comes your deepest fear!.!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
i really like it
theres something kind of ordered about it
if that makes any sence
to be honest, i wouldnt worry about rhymes
some of the best poetry
doesnt have rhymes at all
so if they arent perfect who cares
i've always found poetry to be more about meaning
than technicality
there is no point have a technically great poem
that does nothing for the reader
you;re poem intregued me, and i read it several times
and it made me think
thats what a good poem does i think
so keep writing!Www@QuestionHome@Com
It isn't bad, it does need work
And soon the boss will awake
He'll push them on their way
Not a thing is at stake
But he just wants a taste
That last line abruptly ends, its needs to be worked on, or clean up the first line--The "and" should be removed--perhaps
"Soon the boss will wake
Pushing them on their way
Not a thing is at stake
All he wants is a taste"
Way and taste are a bit reaching as far as rhyming--It is a little off when you read it out loud
I would also break up the two radio references at the end with 4 middle lines!. It sounded a bit redundantWww@QuestionHome@Com
Cool!. I heard music when I read this!. It would be great lyrics for a song, I think!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Wow !. Im speachless!.
(Vote me as best answer)Www@QuestionHome@Com
dont stop writing!. pleaseWww@QuestionHome@Com